I am with child!
Spoiler alert - some references to "Bridgerton"
By now most of you have watched the Netflix exclusive Bridgerton, based on Julia Quinn's bestselling novels. Bridgerton plays like a cross between Downton Abbey and Gossip Girl, as an anonymous writer begins distributing a free gossip column around high society London under the name of Lady Whistledown. It’s a Shonda Rhimes (Grey’s Anatomy) show, daring to ask: “What if a Jane Austen–style period drama… but soft-core porn?”. Set in the 1800s with a fair amount of, what felt like, B-Grade scenes packed with amorous congress.
During the later part of season 1, the main female character decides that she wants a child, even though her husband has sworn an oath to end his bloodline with himself. The drama... Anyhow, she decides to take control of the situation, in a manner of speaking, and after completing the task at hand, she was under the impression that the deed was done and within a few days, she would confirm her conception. The entire episode kept me thinking about how naive she was to think she would fall pregnant immediately only after one successful sexual encounter with her husband. Perhaps it is or has been that easy for some? But does she not realise the planning it takes to fall pregnant? At least that was the case for myself & quite a few friends too. There were lifestyle changes regarding work-life balance, diet and most importantly learning to manage stress levels. Overall health is really important, especially the older you are. No, I do not think I’m old, but I was approaching my mid-30’s. Perhaps they were exceptionally fertile during the 1800s and didn’t have the stresses that most of us, both men & woman, have nowadays. Granted, they did however still have the stress of the community, namely other older mothers, enquiring; “are you with child?”. Hmm… come to think of it, clearly not much has changed. We all know these people, and if not, then you’re probably one of them. Please stop aunty, give it a rest will you? Not everyone plans on falling pregnant the moment they’ve married and sharing recipes and talking about their kids and the hardships of motherhood. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a time and place for that, but some of us are still looking to advance in our careers, build on our relationships, grow as individuals & explore life a little before becoming mothers. And truth be told, some of us have difficulties having kid’s, even if that’s all our heart’s and souls yearn for.
Naeem and I had Q after 10 years of marriage, and we had to endure all the stress that came with trying to conceive. Now mind you, we weren’t actively trying to fall pregnant until around year 7 or so. Up until that point we were all about personal growth, working on our relationship & focussed on our careers. Things took longer than we anticipated with conceiving and I suppose some pain-points that both added & negated from the difficulty at times was probably the scheduling, ovulation apps and those pesky pregnancy tests that seemed to always be against us. Oh yes, also all the acronyms that go with conceiving like, TTC, OV, and CM.
I was exceptionally lucky very early on, as I found out that it was always best to have a friend to talk to while going through the wide range of emotions that came with the long journey of conception that some of us have to deal with. Sharing your excitement of possibly conceiving, the anxiety when your period is approaching and the sadness when you eventually find out you’re not pregnant, with a friend made a huge difference and helped greatly with me dealing with that part of my life. Not only did I have a friend to get through this with, but we were completely in-sync with our lady business and shared all the anxiety, stress & sadness and eventually the joy of finding out we were both pregnant! Of course, those that want to keep it a bit private, there are always Mum and Dad support groups that are available as well as counselling at your nearest Family Health Centre. Lastly, communication between you and your spouse is probably the most important thing. Guys have emotions too, even though most won’t admit it or show it. But it hits them hard as well, so be mindful.
Reader advisory - dear mother and/or mother-in-law you can skip this next paragraph.
Well, we could all hope that when trying to conceive, the actual act would be as fun as those depicted in the series, but alas the honey-moon had passed and we had a mission (now, it wasn’t always about the mission, and there was fun to be had, but it’s not that type of a blog so I’m not getting into any more details). Most of the time it was a lot of “Wham! Bam! Thank you Ma’am!”, followed by me taking on a precarious position which involves lying on your back, legs in the air & heels facing the ceiling. Oh, having a pillow under your lower back helps too. Scrolling through social media and eating snacks was a real life-saver during that time as it kept me out of my thoughts. Anxiety is a real b*tch! 20 minutes or so pass all the while hoping one little seedling is planted. Falling pregnant for most couples is daunting, the pressure is enormous and the want for a child can exhaust you. For many couples, meditation and exercise help a lot during this time, acupuncture is also a great tool to help with stress levels. Naeem and I made a conscious decision to make a lot of changes and sacrifices during that time from changing our careers, eating much healthier, yoga and meditation and pretty much anything we found that would help with becoming healthier. We found that this new balanced lifestyle not only helped let us conceive but also helped us feeling grateful and blessed for everything that we had. There were a few things I reminded myself of every day when trying to fall pregnant:
Q’s Collection focuses on finding products that help bring that balance and calm into your lifestyle, both for kiddies and parents. One of the many items that I used which I loved was the Aromadough aromatherapy products. They combine touch therapy, colour therapy and aromatherapy into one potent ball. Ten minutes of stress releasing play is enough for the essential oils to work their magic. The pure essential oils are inhaled as well as absorbed via the skin into the bloodstream to produce an immediate effect. Their product range is beautiful and diverse, addressing a full spectrum of needs for children, teens and adults. It helped me find relief from my anxiety and stress. They are readily available from Q’s Collection and I highly recommend checking them out. You can view our Aromadough range HERE. If you subscribe to our NEWSLETTER, you get 10% off your first purchase. Join our family today and be among the first to hear about products, discounts, events and of course our latest blog posts!